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At around 7pm this evening, the free land of Kat's room was comandeered and turned into the people's Republic of Kat and John. A fort was built in the capital - Camelot - and only city of this republic. A flag, completely necessary for the claiming of the land was erected, in the form of a pair of lacey black and pink knickers, complete with a pink bow on the front. The electoral regime chosen was that of a dictatorship, i.e. we don't have one. Oscar was officially appointed as the first President of the Republic of Kat and John, but after a failed attempt (his first act) to rename it the Republic of Oscar, was forcibly ejected from office and reduced to general lackey and keeper of the triangular table.
Constitution:
1) Hitler is Oscar's best and only imaginary friend
2) Putin (Pootypoot to friends) excites Oscar very much
3) That is all
Laws:
1) None shall pass
2) Ni!
3) No one shall disrespect the knickers, the burning of or defacation of the knickers will result in certain and most painful death
4) All bras should be a size too small
5) No commies or che guevara boxers
6) Strictly no facial hair allowed
7) Baldness as punishable by death - again most painful
8) The national anthem - 'Prototard' - must be sang every morning at breakfast and at dinnertime in all schools.
9) Under the national currency of pillows, once pillow is equal to every hundredweight of food, and every thousandweight of furniture, and one jar of pesto.
10) Oscar day to be held on the 3rd March, Kat day to be held on the 23rd December, and John day to be held on the 7th of April.
History:
Upon the founding of the heavily armed neighbouring Clappy Land - armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons infact - methods were put in place to subjugate this land. Clingfilm was deployed and the people of Clappy Land eventually surrendered when they realised that their effort to reach the Weetabix was futile. A small faction of renegade baboons (smaller and more agile than guerillas) - as led by Rich - sought to overthrow this oppressive yet strikingly rainbowfied regime. Howevever, the bribing of Rich with his own position as the leader of the state of Clappyland, the pay of many pillows -stuffed with the feather of the dodo, christmas day to be everyday, all state holidays free, and the possible granting of Richard Day were needed to ensure a happy clappy land. This bribing succeeded in a happy Rich for a limited period before his desires for a square table and reluctance to yield to death threats overthrew the peace. Rich eventually decided to reside in a cave, with occasional communications via video detailing the destruction of Clappy Land. The threat of destruction did not worry, as the leaders in fact actually quite liked blood stained cling film, especially when battered and with a light sprinkling of oregano. Richard, however, had not noticed that his comfy sofa was in fact a hibernating mountain bear, a prize pet of Queen Kat, which then preceded to maul and maim him, before turning Rich into a hammock. The leaders did however admire his spunk and kept a sample of his dna for future cloning. Oscar was reinstated as President, under the condition that he become a Eunuch as a deterrent against future uprisings.
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